Culturally, this generation of parents tend to look at potty training, or toilet learning, as an extreme thing that has to be done to their child. When in reality, it is just a normal part of development and not a huge deal. In fact, it will MAKE YOUR LIFE EASIER! Just think how nice it will be to not carry around a huge bag with all those diapers and wipes all the time.
Let’s look back on a little bit of history to see how diapering and toilet learning have changed. Disposable diapers were invented in 1948, however, it wasn’t until the 70’s that they became widely used and distributed. Before disposable diapers, families used cloth diapers and most children had complete toilet awareness by 18 months old. So why is it that many children are learning to use the toilet much later nowadays? Well…disposables are much more convenient and easy than cloth diapers, which is kind of how we all prefer life these days. I totally get it! With our daughter we did cloth diapers at home, but most times when we left the house we would throw on a disposable just for convenience. However, disposables wick any kind of moisture away from the child’s body. This sounds great, right? But actually, by wicking the moisture away from the body, the child doesn’t have the opportunity to connect the sensation they are having internally with the discomfort of urinating in their pants. And because of this, they have very little awareness of their bathroom needs. So between the convenience of disposable diapers for parents and the comfort level for the child, children are having less opportunities to use the toilet at a younger age and are learning how to use the toilet much later than they have in the past.
When to get started?
10 month old, new walker, using a potty chair
Honestly, it is never too early to start introducing your child or infant to the bathroom. It is more about when you are ready to start. Physically, children are ready to start being successful around the same time that they start walking independently. And we know this because of cephalocaudal and proximodistal development, which explains that the muscles necessary to walk develop at the same time as the muscles needed to control bathroom functions. I often get questions or comments about waiting for signs of readiness. “I’m just waiting until my child is ready” or “I am waiting for my child to tell me that they want to use the toilet.” Although this sounds so lovely and easy, their bodies are ready to begin this process much sooner than they can verbally tell you that they are ready. One of the many benefits of introducing the toilet early in infancy is that it simply becomes part of the norm. Every time the child gets a diaper change, you can briefly sit them on the toilet and then continue dressing. Then, when they do get to an age (around the time they start walking) where they do start having more control, they just do their thing and it naturally unfolds itself.
But what if your child is already walking? What if you have a 2 or 3 year old who could care less about the toilet? Have no fear and do not worry! No matter the age of your infant or toddler, you can start with the same steps.
How to start?
You will first need to prepare yourself for the transition. The attitude that is put on toilet learning will strongly affect the way that your child views and experiences the process, and their overall success. You will need to be okay with accidents on the floor, okay with washing poop out of underwear and in general have a matter of fact attitude about the ENTIRE process. This also means no shaming. Sometimes things are said to children without actually realizing how it can affect them. But we need to be sensitive toward their feelings and their development, so they can be confident and know that they have a safe place to grow. We definitely do not want to make the child feel gross, disgusting or inadequate. Remember, they are learning, they are not having accidents on purpose or to gross you out. So for example, instead of saying, “Oh my gosh! This is so gross! There is pee on my nice carpet!” you can simply say, “I noticed that there is pee in your pants. Let’s go to the bathroom and get you some fresh underwear.”
After you feel like you are ready, you will need to make sure that the environment is appropriately prepared. Everybody’s set up will be different depending on the space you have in your home, and that’s ok!
-
- Here are a few different options that we have used. When our daughter was younger, she used the little potty seat. And when she got older she preferred to use the big toilet.
What you will need to prepare your environment:
- Potty chair or child accessible toilet
- Basket of underwear
Basket of Essentials: Underwear, Wipes and Night Time Diapers
- Travel Underwear (Optional: thicker and waterproof trainers for convenience)
- Bench/chair/stool for dressing
- Wipes
- Hamper
- Step stool to sink
- Soap
- Hand towel
- Carpet Cleaner
- Wet bag (Optional, but helpful when leaving the house)
Allowing the child to wear cotton underwear instead of diapers or pull-ups is really important! Cotton underwear allows the child to move freely without that bulk between their legs and it allows them to feel when they urinate. They may not like this at first if they have never worn cotton or had this feeling of pee running down their leg. But that is actually what we want! We want them to be uncomfortable with being wet so they can gain awareness and are motivated to use the toilet. My favorite underwear for toddlers, both boys and girls, are Hanna Andersson Classic Unders. They are organic cotton with a modest fit, perfect for their little bodies. The size extra small typically fits most 1-3 year olds.
You are all set up, now what?
Now it is time to set a consistent routine. Consistency is key! Every child is different, so they will all have their own routine specific to their needs. But in general, there are some key times of the day that should regularly be a time to use the bathroom. 1.) After waking up 2.) After eating 3.) Before going outside or leaving the house 4.) Before going to bed. You will need to observe your child for patterns, such as, pooping at the same time every day. And then in between those times, make sure to go no longer than 1 hour (maybe less depending on the child) in between visits to the bathroom. The more consistent your routine is, the more quickly your child will adjust to their new normal.
You will also have to set up a routine once you are in the bathroom. The more chances you give them to be independent the better! In my eyes, being toilet trained doesn’t just mean successfully peeing and pooping on the toilet. Toilet training also includes dressing themselves, getting on and off the toilet and taking care of all their bathroom needs independently. Here is a sample bathroom routine and language that I use with children in the bathroom:
- “Ok, it’s time to use the bathroom.”
- Child comes into bathroom and sits on the stool. “Stand up and push your pants down.” They will push their pants down as far as they can. Then you can ask them to sit so they can pull their pants off their feet. Collaborate as needed.
- “Stand up and push down your trainer/diaper.”
- “Now you can sit down and pull your trainer/diaper off of your feet.”
- “Alright, you are ready to sit on the toilet.” – Allow them to get on the toilet on their own
- “Okay, I am going to help you wipe.”
- “Would you like to flush?”
- “Now you will need some fresh underwear. Do you remember where to find your underwear?”
- “Have a seat on the bench. Now you can put on your underwear. You can use your
hand like this.” Show the child how to hold the underwear with their thumbs on the inside. Children frequently will get two feet in one hole. If this happens, you can say something like, “I see you have two feet in one hole, you can pull one out and try again.” They often are looking around when they are getting dressed so it might be helpful to make a point to look at their pants and the hole, “Look! This is the hole you can put your leg in.” Collaborate as needed. - “Stand up and pull it up” – if the child is struggling with this part maybe work together to pull it up. “You pull the front and I’ll pull the back.” Then eventually work towards showing the child wear to place their hands on the back of their trainer to pull the back up.
- Do the same process with the pants. Sometimes they have a hard getting their legs/feet all the way through the pant leg, so I will make it into a fun game by saying, “Where did your toes go? Let’s find them. Pull, pull, pull, (as we are pulling their pant leg up)…LOOK! There are your toes! Now you can find your other toes!”— (Side note: this works well for shirts, jackets – “hmmm, where are your fingers?” – and snow pants too!)
- Wash hands
Naps and Night Time
When a child is sleeping, they are unconscious. So it is unreasonable to expect them to have toilet awareness during this time. Sleep is also very very important for the rapidly developing bodies, so we need to protect that. I would suggest using a diaper until the child has had 3 naps or nights in a row of waking up dry. After having 3 consecutive naps or nights of waking up dry, then it is probably safe to move forward with underwear. But don’t be surprised if this takes awhile, it’s totally normal.
Helpful Tips
- Use statements instead of questions. For example, “It’s time to use the bathroom.”
- Set alarms to remind you to take your child to the bathroom.
I know that toilet learning can cause a lot of stress on parents. I hear a lot of, “I just want to be done!” I know, I know, I hear you. I completely understand. But trust in your child’s development, all children develop differently and at different rates. And trust that it will happen. I promise you they won’t be going to prom in a diaper 😉
