Toddlers are learning how to communicate their needs. Some scream, some use words or sounds. And some children hit, bite, push or throw. But don’t worry! This behavior is very common and age appropriate. It may not be the most desirable, but it’s our job to support them either way.

What you first need to do is to figure out what the underlying cause of the behavior is. And what is a Montessori teacher’s answer to everything? Observe! Find yourself a notebook to keep somewhere nearby and start keeping track of your child’s behavioral patterns. Here a few things to look for:

• What time of the day is this happening?
• Any changes at home?
• What kind of activity is going on?
• How many children or people are around?
• What kinds of emotions are being expressed right before it happens?
• What does the environment look like? Is it maybe over stimulating?
• How are the adults responding to the behavior?

Preventing the Behavior

Through your observations of your child’s behavior, you may be able to see patterns and from there create ways to support your child. Here are a few examples:

• Are they teething? You can give them a variety of teething toys, necklaces or something that they can chew on (apple, toothbrush, etc) . If they go in to bite, you can say, “you can bit your necklace or an apple.” And then direct them toward something that is safe for them to bite.
• Are they hungry? Does it happen before a meal? Offer the child a small snack before the get too hungry.
• Are they being playful? Help the child find other ways to be affectionate toward their friends.
• Is it too loud? Remove the child to find a quieter less stimulating space when it becomes too much for them.
• Learning social Interactions? They may be pushing to ask if they want to play. Model how to say, “Want to play?”
• Protecting their toys or work? Model language that they can use if someone takes their work. For example: “This is my work. You can use it when its available.”
• Protecting their personal space? Help them in situations when they don’t have enough personal space.

What to do and how to respond if they hit/bite/push?

Toddlers have a lot of feelings that they need to express and we want to allow them to feel all of these feelings – but can’t allow them to hit, bite, or push others.

So what do you do? You should acknowledge their feelings in a calm and respectful tone of voice and then remove them from the situation. Check in with the other child to make sure that they are ok. Maybe offer them a tissue if they are crying, a hug and model apologizing.

For example:

“You look mad. But I can’t let you hit me. I’m putting you down.” You can then set the child down in a safe place and tell them that you are going to give them some space. Once they have calmed down, you can come back in to offer a hug, make amends and model apologizing.

During the hitting/biting/pushing phase this will definitely require a lot of patience and a lot of repetition. And it is important to remember not to take this behavior personally and remain calm during these interactions.

How to handle throwing?

Again, this is a very age appropriate phase for toddlers to go through. It is part of exploring the world around them. You can provide lots of opportunities for the child to throw. And remember to stay calm and provide clear and consistent boundaries about what they can throw and what they cannot throw. “I’m not going to let you throw this. But you can throw these if you would like.”