“Children are as independent as you expect them to be.”

-Maria Montessori

Helping your child to be comfortable playing on their own will be one of the best gifts you ever give them. Not only will day to day life be easier for you and your children, but they will learn so much! They will learn to problem solve, get creative, independently make decisions, try new things and learn to be patient. Being comfortable being bored is SO good for them! Yes, moms and dads, I’m telling you that it’s OK for your child to be bored.

As a parent, it’s easy to get caught up in a trap feeling like your only purpose on this planet is to be a slave to your children. But it’s important to remember that your job isn’t to entertain them 24/7, it’s to keep them safe, fed and put a roof over their head. There are many ways to promote independence from birth and I would recommend starting as early as possible, but this article is going to focus on how to get your young child more comfortable with independent play. From the day you brought your helpless baby into this world, they counted on you to meet their every need. And they trusted that you would do that for them. And depending on the expectations that you set for them, they still may feel like you will continue to do all of those things for them. But they have grown SO much since then! And sometimes it’s easy for us to forget how capable they really are. And the children don’t realize how capable they are unless we give them the opportunities.

If you are deciding right now that you want your child to spend more time playing independently, then you may want to prepare yourself for an adjustment period. It won’t just happen over night. In order to set your child up for success you will have to do some preparation in advance. Your home should be a space not only for adults but also for children. Can they reach all the things they need? Do they have the tools they need to clean up after themselves? Does everything have a “home”? Is there minimal clutter? Do you ever notice that when your house or play space is a mess that this is usually when your child follows you around needing something very 2.5 seconds? BUT when you’re cleaning or you have a tidy house they have no problem spending time doing their own thing leaving a trail of toys behind them? My mom always used to my brother so and I, “You guys make messes faster than I can clean them up!” – They love order! It’s easier to make choices when the environment is orderly. I personally think this applies to adults too!

OK, how do we make this happen? How do we free up your hands to do more for yourself? Dare I say use the bathroom without an audience?! Like I said before, it will take a little preparation, but don’t worry I think you are going to love the outcome for more reason than one.

The Prepared Environment

1. Observe your child – what things are they interested in (cars, animals, art, tractors, etc)? Are there toys or activities that they’ve outgrown that they no longer play with that you can put away? What are their strengths? You might find it helpful to keep these observations objective and write them down.
2. Set them up for success – Can they complete an activity and put it away without your help? Everything needs a “home.” If that’s not the case, then there may be too many choices out.
3. Prepare the space so it’s beautiful and inviting – reflect on your observations and choose 6 to 8 activities that you can make available to your child.
4. Look at it from their view – literally sit on the floor and look at what the space looks like from a toddler perspective. Is it interesting? Is it free of clutter?
5. Repeat – when you notice that your child may be loosing interest, rotate out activities.

Now that you have the space set up appropriately, it’s time to put it all into action. You don’t have to set aside time for independent play every day, however, consistency tends to work best. If there are the same expectations everyday, the children will always know what to expect, making them feel very safe. And I truly believe that once the children have adjusted they will love this time as much as you do. As I said, there will be an adjustment period. Start small and work from there. You could sit down and tell them that there will now be X amount of time a day for them to play independently and mom and dad to have their independent time as well. Maybe 5 minutes the first day, then 10 minutes, and working toward 30 – 60 minutes. Raegan can go for good stretches at a time, and I love peaking into her room listening to the conversations she’s having with her dolls or quietly singing to herself while concentrating. Have fun and enjoy!

“Play is the answer to how anything new comes about.”

– Jean Piaget